As one who has sometimes been plagued with taking myself too seriously, I’ve discovered upon growing older that it helps to laugh at myself and my circumstances whenever possible. One of the things that we “seniors” have to deal with is that our bodies’ various functions start acting up. Things that we’ve taken for granted all of our lives and haven’t even had to give much thought to, now start demanding our frequent attention.

When I started “leaking” a few years ago, first my reaction was nearly always swearing and fretting. Then at some point, I realized things weren’t likely to improve and fretting was just souring my disposition. I began experimenting with words and phrases that tried to make light of the situation. These somehow eventually evolved into the “poem” below. When the occasion demands, I still quote these lines to myself (out loud!), and invariably, the cursing stops and the smiles start.

I’ll end this intro with a gentle warning that, if you are offended by mild bathroom humor, stop reading here.

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Do Your Sphincters Leak?

Do Your Sphincters Leak?

Is it damp around your cheeks?

After you sit down, do you wear a frown,

because it’s moist down there . . . AGAIN?

 

So, do YOUR Sphincters Leak?

Well now, if they do, I say GOOD FOR YOU!

That’s proof positive, you’ve PAID your dues.

You’re a member in good standing of the Senior Set,

so please don’t frown, and please don’t fret.

 

It is better, FAR better my friend you see,

if you just LAUGH along with me.

Just say HA-HA-HA;  TEE-HEE-HEE;

HO-HO-HO, it’s good for thee,

when you laugh at yourself with mirth and glee —

what the hey, it’s only pee!

 

Just say HA-HA-HA; TEE-HEE-HEE;

HO-HO-HO, it’s good for thee

when you laugh at yourself with mirth and glee —

what the hey, it’s only pee!

 

And do YOUR sphincters leak?

Is it damp around YOUR cheeks?

After you sit down, is there a spot that’s BROWN,

upon your shorts, that were clean one hour ago?

 

So, DO your Sphincters Leak?

Well now, if they do, I say GOOD FOR YOU!

That’s a sure sign, you’ve PAID your dues.

You’re a member in good standing of the Senior Set,

So please don’t frown, and please don’t fret.

 

It is better, FAR better my friend you see,

If you just LAUGH along with me.

Just say HA-HA-HA; HO-HO-HO;

TEE-HEE-HEE, it’s good yo

when you laugh at yourself with fun and WIT;

What the hey, it’s only . . .

 

Just say HA-HA-HA; HO-HO-HO;

TEE-HEE-HEE, it’s good for yo

when you laugh at yourself with fun and wit;

What the hey, it’s only . . .

Time . . .

To . . .

QUIT!

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The End